the warm breeze flew on my fur , as I spotted an acorn . I strode over to it and grabbed it . Then I started to nibble on it slowly . Then I heard a loud CRACK !! A branch had snapped off a tree and it was falling straight at me !! I sprinted away as fast as my little , bony and stiff legs would carry me . When I got away I felt like I was being watched by something or SOMEONE !!!! then I glanced up and spotted a HAWK !! It was watching me like a stalker . Then I saw him jump . I thought he might not be chasing me . But then he swooped down just above me !!! I finally got it through my thick skull . He's chasing me !!! I ran up a tree but there was a gap !!! I had to jump but I didn't have the courage to jump but it was ether me or my corage . I picked corage . I landed in my nest . Then I pecked out the hole and the hawk was still there it was making an attack plan !!! I need to get out of here I thought to myself. Just at that moment the hawk swooped in and destroyed my nest I fell out ... CRASH !!!!! The end by Jackson
I liked how you dicribe how you move your legs
ReplyDeleteWow..... You write it like you were really scared..trying to get away from a predator such as a big hawk. I imagined you were a tiny scared bird evan before you got to your nest. You have used great words to help me remember the sounds you might hear like crash and swoop. I also think you did a good job of describing what you saw around you and how you felt. The hook was at the end....what happened next ????
DeleteBy ToniC (mum)
How creepy to feel like you were being watched by a stalker!
ReplyDeleteI like how your writing starts off with the squirrel finding a nut and it is happy then it all changes! I like how you 'show' what your character is like when he is standing there hoping the hawk is not after him and it takes him a while to realise he is in trouble!
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