Sunday, May 12, 2013

Jarrod - The day I died

I was squashed in my home with my family.  I was face first into my other family members feet.  His feet smelt like sugar.  I cold hear footsteps getting closer...I was banging amongst my brothers.  Suddenly it stopped and I felt sick.  Suddenly I could hear a big rip.  I looked up and saw a big white patch.  Luckily they were just putting me in a round glass thing.  I was so thankful.  But they picked me up and I got my head bitten off.  Suddenly I died.


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5 comments:

  1. GBSparentMay 14, 2013 at 12:51 AM

    Star - I liked how you used your senses and added smell and what you could hear

    ReplyDelete
  2. GBSparentMay 19, 2013 at 3:47 PM

    Banging around with your family all squashed together and not knowing where you were going would have been scary.

    Great use of your senses in your writing.

    Mrs Carr

    ReplyDelete
  3. GBSparentMay 19, 2013 at 11:20 PM

    I liked how you explained how you were feeling. Your story made me think.....who's feet smell like sugar?
    Great work.
    Dad

    ReplyDelete
  4. GBSparentMay 23, 2013 at 12:03 AM

    I liked your ending-suddenly I died

    ReplyDelete
  5. childrenMay 29, 2013 at 7:23 PM

    i like your picture
    by kaneeeee

    ReplyDelete

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