Me and my lovely friend Josh decided one day to go on a big biking trip . It took a while to get there but when we arrived dad
noticed he had left his helmet at home so he went home and me and Josh went on our own . after while we saw a couple of moose wandered off and they walked away from the pack and started to charge at Josh. Then whack the moose hit Josh in the side of the neck. I thought his life was in my hands. I jumped off my bike and grabbed a big stick for Josh and he was knocked out. When I got closer I saw the blood was squirting out. I ran back and got my cellphone and got the helicopters to pick him up. I had just saved my friend's life.
Great writing Jordie, it sounds like it would've been scary seeing that blood squirting out. Your character was very brave to save Josh's life. You have used really good description and I like all the strong verbs you have chosen like "charge", "whack" and "squirting". Keep up the fantastic writing!
ReplyDeleteP.S That was from Miss Hubac :)
ReplyDeletei like your hook from: jarrod
ReplyDeleteJordie how smart of you to use a big stick to ward off the Moose, that was very brave!! Quick thinking also to jump on your cell phone to get the rescue helicopter to help save Josh's life. You are my brave boy!!
ReplyDeleteLove MUM xxx