I am sitting in the car going somewhere. My little brother is sitting on me. I ask mum quietly "Where are we going?" Suddenly we stopped. My family was thrown onto a bench. I was gobbled up. I wrenched my hands up and fell into a dark hole and exploded.
Star - I liked the ending I exploded. Jordie
ReplyDeleteWish - I would like you to add more detail on what happened from the plate before you got gobbled up
ReplyDeleteGoing from the car to a bench would have been frightening.
ReplyDeleteGood use of show and not tell Josh as I had no idea yo were a lolly until the end.
Mrs Carr
Great story Josh. Liked the surprise ending!
ReplyDeleteI like your start (Im in the car going some were my little brother is sitting on me.)
ReplyDeleteTO JOSH
ReplyDeleteGREAT STORY BRO.
FROM JOSH M.