Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Stella
Knock,knock,knock went Chris at the door. So they came in and we showed them mums funny book.It's called 'How Do You Know Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You' and it comes with a poster.Dad got it for her on Mothers Day. My cousin got another guinea pig.It is called Pixie and his other one is called Percy. Then he was carrying an iPad .He sat the sofa and played mind-craft And he found plenty of shiny gold. Pixie is white and Percy is brown,black and white . Pixie's eyes are orange they are creepy. Pixie would not stop moving and Percy would not eat any food.
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Stella the book your mum got sounds funny! The guinea pigs sound colourful and cute.
ReplyDeleteStar - I really like how you described the eyes.
Your next step is to re-craft your writing and add more detail.
Mrs Carr
ReplyDeletestella I love the description of pixie and percy, and yes they have creepy eyes, im glad you dont have the same colour eyes as them.
Sounds like percy and pixie were playing on the ipad, keep your sentence on the same topic, sometimes reading your sentence out loud can make you hear what doesn't fit.
Can't wait for the next story x